


Two Sides of the Same... Coin?

by Tamasha



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confusion, Established Relationship, Feels, Fish, Gay, Heavy Angst, Kissing, Love, M/M, Magic, Modern Era, Relationship(s), Romance, Sad, Science Fiction, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 08:30:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19764412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamasha/pseuds/Tamasha
Summary: In a world where everyone is finding their soulmates through a new DNA test, Merlin eagerly awaits his results. Unfortunately, he is disappointed to learn that he does not have one. What will this mean for his relationship with Arthur?





	Two Sides of the Same... Coin?

**Author's Note:**

> written by Emery

The heater switches on and warm air begins to fill the room. Snow falls soundlessly upon the ground outside the small window that sits in the center of the north wall. Merlin pulls the comforter up to his chin, trying his damndest to nuzzle in closer to his boyfriend. Arthur is always so warm, and Merlin is never able to figure out how the older man manages to radiate heat even in the dead of winter. It's late, and Merlin probably should consider going home to feed his fish and do some homework, but he really doesn't want to leave. He never does. He especially doesn't want to leave tonight. Arthur stirs, half-awake in his post-sex haze, and he tugs Merlin's hips to meet his with a strong arm wrapped around Merlin's skinny waist.

“Babe,” Arthur whines, “You should stay tonight.”

Merlin chuckles as he shakes his head. “I stayed last night, and Guppy needs to eat.”

Arthur scoffs. “We could eat Guppy.”

Merlin playfully slaps Arthur's bare shoulder. “You wouldn't dare! I would break up with you on the spot!”

Arthur smiles, finally opening his eyes to reveal that sky blue color Merlin has come to love. “You would not,” he insists confidently.

Merlin scowls. “Try me.”

There is a soft laugh before Arthur retorts, “I'm not going to kill your fish. Or eat it. I promise. Now, will you please stay with me? I'll take you home first thing in the morning, yeah?”

Merlin makes a pitiful noise as he pouts. “You  _ know _ I want to, love, but I can't. And… my mum is probably wondering if I'll ever come back. And… well, it's just… weird, you know. I don't know. After… well, I should go… I don't think…”

Arthur sits up. “Hey, Merlin, we talked about this,” he says earnestly. Merlin sits up too, frown still etched deep on his face. “We are  _ not _ breaking up because of some stupid test. It's not going to happen. I don't care  _ who _ my soulmate is  _ supposed  _ to be. I'm not leaving you. I love you.”

Merlin shuts his eyes. They haven't said that to each other. Not really. It's been implied, they talk about what they love about each other, but never explicitly say it. And to hear it for the first time now... well, it's too much.

He opens his eyes as he feels Arthur take his hands. “Babe, please, stay with me.”

“My mum -”

“You know what I mean, Merlin!” Arthur snaps, voice desperate. “God, Merlin, I can't believe you think I care what that damn test said about you.”

The test. 

It was supposed to tell Merlin who his soulmate is, now that he is 20 and old enough for it to be at is peak accuracy. But nothing came up. It's rare, but not unheard of. Some people just don't have soulmates. Since the test is relatively new, Arthur never took one when he was 20. His soulmate could be anyone. But it's not Merlin, because Merlin isn't meant to end up with anyone.

Merlin's eyes fall to where their hands interlock, his breaths shallow. 

“Merlin?” Arthur's voice is vulnerable and small.

Finally, Merlin finds the courage to look at his boyfriend, hands shaking, clinging to the other man's. “You deserve to find your soulmate, Arthur.”

“Stop it!" Arthur protests painfully. "Would it make you happy if I took the test too? Then you can know who the person is? What if I don't have one either? Just tell me what you want me to do!?”

Merlin shrugs, ashamed of himself. He feels awful because he knows this is hurting Arthur as much as it's hurting him. Both of them wanted the results to be different. “I'm sorry,” is all he can manage to say in response, though. There isn't anything they  _ can  _ do.

A loud sigh and an agonized groan escape Arthur all at once as he stands from the bed. “Fuck it. Fine, Merlin, if you'd rather be alone than be with me then go. Just leave.”

His back is to Merlin; his signature ‘I would rather get angry than show how hurt I am’ move. But his posture betrays him, hunched over and hugging his torso.

Merlin sucks in air, hoping to find some resolve before he speaks. “I love you too…” he manages.

Arthur doesn't move, but Merlin can tell he's listening.

“That's why I want you to be happy. If I knew there was someone else out there that could make you happier than I can make you, I would let you be with them. I… I don't think I could watch you fall in love with someone else, though.” Merlin swallows, a lump forming in his throat. “That's why I figured it might be easier to leave now. Maybe it will hurt less. Maybe…” he attempts to blink back tears, but they fall regardless. “I don't  _ want  _ to break up, but I don't want to be selfish either, Arthur.” The dam breaks, and Merlin is half sobbing by the end of his speech.

In a flash, Arthur is back on the bed, holding Merlin tightly, hushing him, rubbing his back. “Merlin. We'll figure this out. I… I just can't lose you. I don't want to find anyone else. I have you, and I want to keep you. Maybe  _ I'm  _ the one being selfish, but I just can't let you go.”

Merlin lets out a light breath, almost a laugh. “Would you really take the test?”

Arthur was 22 when the test came out three years ago, but he opted not to take it. It was still a new fad and he wasn't interested, too focused on school. There were still a lot of people who didn't even believe in soulmates, but years of research proved that DNA could be compatible, but only with one other individual. Based on DNA, an individual’s hormones, and their pheromones, two people will interact with the world in a similar way, making them compatible on not only a biological level, but a psychosocial level too. When bodily fluids are exchanged, i.e. sex, a connection sparks, and two people will stay together for the rest of their lives. Some people swear by it. For a long time it seemed like a fairy tale, or something made up for romance movies by Hallmark, but once researchers took the evidence seriously, it became a solid scientific theory. Now that they have this test, people are scrambling to get their hands on their own results. Of course the results can't give identifying information on the person’s soulmate, but they can predict what their DNA will be, and once you find a person with that DNA, you'll know you have found your soulmate.

“I will take the test,” Arthur answers, voice confident as ever.

Merlin waits a beat, holding out for any hesitation from his boyfriend. “Really?” he finally squeaks. “What if the results come back and… what will you do?”

“I'm staying with you no matter what, but if this is what it takes to make you feel better, then I'll do it. I'm not going to give up on you just because some stupid machine looked at your blood and thought it knew who you could love.”

Merlin smiles faintly and nods. “I just need to know if I'm holding you back. I just… I need to know.”

“You're not holding me back, babe. You're not. You'll see. Whatever the results say, I'll stay with you.”

Merlin doesn't think too hard about what he wants Arthur's results to be. If he has a soulmate that isn't Merlin, he still won't want to break up. He’ll be convinced it's all a scam. If the results come back and he's like Merlin, without a soulmate, then, well, that would mean they could be like any other couple and love each other the best they can; they will try their best to make it work. That would be good. And the last scenario, one Merlin shouldn't even allow himself to think about, is if Arthur's soulmate is said to have DNA that matches Merlin's. But that won't happen. Because Merlin already knows, he's not meant to complete anyone. He's not ever going to have his other half. And. Well. That's okay. He'll still manage to be happy. Just like everyone else who hasn't taken the test or found their soulmate yet. He will be fine. It's just that he has to see what the test says about Arthur. Then he'll know what he is dealing with - what he should expect from this relationship. Then at least he'll know and he can make an informed decision about how he wants to move forward. It will be okay. It has to be.

<_>

When they first met, Merlin felt a spark, similar to what some describe when they first realize someone is their soulmate. It was like a bolt of electricity shot through him and Arthur was the only one on the planet in that moment. But it had to all be in his head. That feeling, even if Arthur was his soulmate, happens when the DNA is combined with the exchange of bodily fluids. All Merlin did was look at Arthur, standing in the park with his golden retriever by his side. The feeling was so overwhelming Merlin was certain that the blonde man across the lawn was his soulmate. But. Come to find out that's not how it works. And even if it was, it was a fluke because Merlin has no soulmate.

They started dating, and Merlin decided to live in the moment. At the time, he still believed he was made for someone, and he was holding out till his 20th birthday to find out if that someone was Arthur Pendragon. Merlin believed maybe they had an extra special bond that made these feelings so intense. That was the only explanation.

Ever since he was little, Merlin dreamed of his other half. The one who would complete him. He would always talk about his wedding and where he wanted to go for his honeymoon. His mum said she believed that his father was her soulmate, and Merlin knew in his heart of hearts he would find someone.

Arthur had a much different upbringing. Uther lost his wife when his son was born, and he stopped believing in soulmates. He taught Arthur that it was all made up. Phony media to take advantage of people. And Arthur bought into it. He never expected to find someone who believed so firmly in this idea; Arthur always wanted to find someone who was of a similar mind, not taking this “fairy tale shit” seriously.

But then he met Merlin.

Arthur once told Merlin that because they met, maybe, quite possibly, Arthur could get used to the idea of being the other half of someone.

After Merlin took the test, he went back to his cynicism.

Merlin knows it was only because Arthur was scared of losing his boyfriend. Merlin understands. He is scared too.

<_>

The closer they come to the day of Arthur's appointment for the test, the more Merlin believes the test was a mistake. It may be denial, but he doesn't really care. The way Arthur insists they will be together even if the results come back with someone else's DNA, the way he tells Merlin to not worry, that they will be together regardless; well, it's all so romantic, and Merlin finds he trusts it more and more each day.

Who knew finding out you don't have a soulmate could make you fall deeper in love with someone.

Suddenly, Merlin is determined to get this test out of the way. The results don't necessarily mean anything anymore. What matters is what Merlin and Arthur do afterward.

So Merlin decides not to worry.

Till he does.

The night before the test he has a full blown panic attack at Arthur's flat. “Shhhh, hey, it's okay.” Arthur holds his boyfriend in the V of his legs, with his back against his headboard, rocking slowly side to side. “It's going to be okay, Merlin, I promise. I don't need to take the test, I don't  _ have _ to go…” 

Merlin sniffs, trying to speak coherent words, “I-I need you t-to. P-please. I have to -have to know.”

Arthur nods, bringing a hand to card through Merlin's hair, pressing Merlin's face to his shoulder. “Okay. If you think it will help…”

They sit like that for a minute or two, as Merlin catches his breath while Arthur soothes him. After a few moments, Arthur speaks up. “Merlin, I know you want me to take this so you can see if you're, what did you say, ‘holding me back’? Well… what if I don't want to take it? What if I decide you're mine no matter what?”

Merlin sits up, rubbing his eye, “That's not how it-”

Arthur cuts him off, “Why not? Why  _ can't  _ it be how it works? I choose you  _ regardless  _ of our DNA. Isn't that more powerful than biology?”

Merlin furrows his brow. He knows what Arthur's thinking, and it makes  _ some _ sense. The fact that they choose one another and work hard to build a loving and lasting relationship is certainly something special. But. Merlin has always believed in magic, and Santa, and unicorns, and the Loch Ness monster. Merlin has always dreamed of fairies, and witches, and giants. Soulmates have been the only form of magic that has been proven, and all he wants is for it to be true. He wants to know that his soul was made to fit perfectly with the soul of another human, and that destiny had pulled them together through time and space so they could end up together to live out the remainder of their lives. It's magic in real life. And Merlin wants, no,  _ needs _ it to be true. Because if not this, then what? What magic could he ever experience? And maybe. Just maybe there was a mistake, and tomorrow will prove that Arthur, in fact, is made for Merlin.

“You don't have to, Arthur,” Merlin finally concludes. “It's up to you. The test is for you. But… part of me wants, so badly, for there to have been a mistake with my test, and for your results to prove that, yes, we're meant to be.” He swallows heavily. “I want you to take it and for the results to match my DNA. That… that, Arthur, is the last bit of hope I'm holding on to. Because if soulmates aren't real… well… I don't know what I believe in anymore.”

Arthur tugs Merlin into his arms once again, and squeezes him tighter than before. “Okay, Merlin, let's prove them wrong. Let's show them we are two sides of the same… erm…”

“Coin?” Merlin supplies with a chuckle.

“God, that sounds horribly cliché, Merlin. But yeah. We're two sides of the same coin. Okay? Let's get some proof of that tomorrow.”

And with that, they are in agreement. They both know, down to their toes, that science doesn't necessarily need to tell them what they already know in their hearts.

But it would still be nice to know.

<_>

They're laughing when the doctor comes in. Arthur had pulled out his phone to show Merlin some funny memes to distract him while they waited for the results. But as soon as the white-haired old man steps in, the room goes quiet.

“Morning, boys!” Dr. Gaius says, too cheerfully.

There is an awkward pause before Arthur is able to get out a polite sounding, “Morning.”

Merlin's heart starts to beat faster and faster in his chest. Arthur's hand in his is clammy, but warm, and he holds onto it like a lifeline.

“So, Arthur, your tests came back with some interesting results…” Dr. Gaius starts. He's old, which means he's slow, and getting to the point seems to be not exactly his strong suit. 

Merlin bites his lip in anticipation.

“According to our initial test, your results would indicate that you don't have a soulmate, which is uncommon.”

No soulmate?

Just like Merlin.

Is this bad or good?

Good, right. Merlin won't be holding him back from his true love.

But what are the odds of them both not having a soulmate? And… oh, the doctor is still talking.

“-normally we would see an indication in the strands of your DNA that you have a match, and also what DNA they would have. But it seems your DNA is quite unique.”

Arthur scowls. “How so?”

“Well… think of your DNA as a puzzle piece, there is only one piece that will fit perfectly with it for most people. When someone doesn't have a soulmate, it's usually a mutation that would… well, with our puzzle analogy, their puzzle piece has smooth edges, and no place for another piece to fit in. That's what we would expect from your results, Mr. Pendragon.”

Arthur's hand is like a vice on Merlin's, and Merlin is holding on just as tight. He's confused, and his head is swirling with questions, but he uses all of his brainpower to listen and to try to understand. 

“So… that's not what you found for me? What… what was unique about my results?” Arthur asks, voice stressed.

“It's hard to explain. Not only are we working with very new technology and science, picking apart DNA strands can be rather difficult and tedious. The best way I can describe it is, you don't have enough information in your DNA to decipher what the DNA of your soulmate would look like, if you had one. And because of that, I find it highly unlikely that you would have one.”

The room goes silent again, and Merlin can feel his boyfriend emitting frustration from beside him. Merlin's not angry, though, just thoroughly confused, desperate to understand.

“Great. Thanks, doc,” Arthur bites out as he stands up from his chair. “Come on, Merlin,” he demands, tugging Merlin's hand along with him.

“Arthur,” Dr. Gaius says, like a father scolding his child. But when he continues, his voice is soft. “I looked at the results of your boyfriend, the ones you gave me. I don't know for sure, but Merlin may have a similar condition. I don't know nearly enough to give you answers, but I would suggest that you talk to a specialist.” The old man stands too, and from his pocket he pulls a card, offering it for Arthur to take. “Bring both of your results to him. He may have some answers.” He chuckles softly, looking between them. “His methods are a bit… unconventional. But he's an old friend and could possibly help you put this all together.”

Merlin tries to swallow down the anxiety that is tightening his throat. But it won't go away. And his head won't stop spinning. What could all this mean for them? What does this specialist specialize in, exactly?

“Thanks,” Arthur whispers, and it sounds like defeat. He snatches the card, and then strides towards the exit, Merlin in tow.

<_>

“It's the only option we have…”

“No it's not.”

“What do you suggest?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

They are sitting at Arthur's dining room table, afternoon sun coming in through the window at their side. The refrigerator hums its disapproval as they talk about what to do next. “Yes. Nothing. I already told you, Merlin, I'm going to be with you regardless, so why does it matter if we have soulmates? Do you want to get rid of me or something!?”

Merlin's heart skids to a halt. “No… I…”

“Merlin why are you so eager to find out who your soulmate is?”

Merlin shrugs, then looks down at his hands on the pale wooden table before him. “I just… I always dreamed about finding my person. I just… I want it to be true. And… I want it to be you.”

Arthur is silent and Merlin can't look up. Can't face what he just said. Would they really be together forever? Who knows. But to say that he wants this even though Arthur hardly believes in all of it, well, it's stupid. He knows that. But it doesn't make it any less true. Merlin wants Arthur to be his soulmate so that he can belong to him forever.

The refrigerator continues its judgment as neither of them say anything.

Finally Arthur sighs.

“You're an idiot,” he starts, and Merlin might burst into tears right then and there, “if you think I don't want that too. But… I don't want someone else to tell me it's true when I already know it.”

Merlin's eyes roam up slowly, confusion covering his face and clouding his understanding.

“I already know, Merlin; if soulmates are real, you are it. You're it for me.”

Merlin bites his lip.

“But I thought you didn't believe in all this? I thought…”

“I don't,” Arthur insists. “Because clearly it's wrong if it says we aren't meant to be together.” He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. “I don't need some bullshit scientist telling me I'm allowed to love you forever. I'm gonna do it no matter what.”

Merlin shakes his head. “Then what's the harm in going to this… Mr. Kilgharrah? I… I just need something, Arthur. I'm… I'm scared that I might lose you. I know you feel adamant about it now, but what if you get sick of me? What if you stop believing? What if…” Merlin's lip quivers and he feels tears sting his eyes before he can push them aside. He rubs his wet eyes and shakes his head. “You don't know what it's like to believe in all the fairytales and have to grow up being told you're wrong, you're dumb for believing it. Having proof? Having something I can hold onto? I need it. I already know… I already know I love you. I just… is this how everyone feels when they are in love? Or is this really something special and… as magical as it feels…”

Arthur sighs, then he is standing right next to Merlin, hugging his head to his stomach. “You're such a baby, Merlin.” Merlin makes a noise of protest and tries to pull away. “You're a lovable baby, but a baby nonetheless.” Arthur lets out a soft laugh. “Okay. Let's see if this homeopathic nut can make you believe you're my one and only.”

Merlin looks up, eyes still moist. “Really?” he asks, like a kid about to go to the candy shop.

“Really,” Arthur confirms. “I can't say no to you, my lovable baby.”

Merlin beams as he jumps up and wraps Arthur in a tight hug.

<_>

Everything in the shop looks like it is straight out of a fairytale. There are feathers, dream catchers, potions and bottles lining the shelves, and there is a distinct smell of herbs that fills the air as they enter. It's actually quite calming and reassuring. Merlin finds that he is excited to see what this Mr. Kilgharrah guy has to say. As soon as they enter the shop, Arthur takes Merlin's hand tightly in his own. He is shaking slightly, but Merlin is confident that they will find the answers he is looking for here. An old man in baggy, colorful clothes emerges from the back door that is covered in a curtain with an elaborate and ornate design embroidered into it.

“Hello,” he greets, moving forward slowly, hands clasped together. He seems far too pleased to see them, but that might just be his natural demeanor.

“Hey, Mr. Kilgharrah?” Merlin asks, sounding much bolder than he feels.

The old man smirks, like he knows a secret that he wants to share, but can't. “Yes, and you must be Merlin and Arthur?”

Merlin scowls, but responds as evenly as he can. “How did you know?”

“I don't get many calls, my boy. And especially not from a gay couple asking about being soulmates. Believe it or not, many people think my practice is hogwash because I use real magic and not that silliness those ‘scientists’ use.”

Arthur clears his throat, an indication that he wants to dart out of there as soon as possible.

“I… right. Erm, sir, I was wondering if you had any… erm, opinions, or insights as to why we may have both had a negative result in the soulmate test?”

“Because it's bullshit.”

Merlin's mouth falls open in shock, mostly because of the old man's language, but also because Dr. Gaius would send them to someone who didn't even believe in soulmates.

Arthur snorts beside him, and Merlin turns to glare at him. His boyfriend just shrugs innocently.

“Soulmates are rare and completely magical, whatever they have come up with lately is pseudoscience at best. It's placebo. All of it. None of those people have soulmates. And if they do, the likelihood of them existing in the same time and place, and actually finding the other on top of that, is one in a billion. That's  _ billion _ , with a ‘B’.”

“Oh,” Merlin breathes. “Okay. Well… I guess if no one has a soulmate then…”

Kilgharrah shrugs, cutting Merlin off. “I didn't say  _ no one _ . Soulmates are rare, but they happen.”

Merlin furrows his brow in confusion.

“It's the most rare occurrence in nature, but sometimes, very occasionally, it happens. Romeo and Juliet, for example.”

Arthur laughs. “Alright. This is just as stupid as-”

“Ah, a Pendragon through and through.”

Arthur glares, hand squeezing Merlin's. “How did you know my last name?”

“You're just like your father, I should have known you would mock me.”

“I'm not-” the blond starts, but he is cut off again.

“You know, I would have thought with a soulmate as kind and gentle as Merlin, you would have more of your mother in you.”

Arthur and Merlin just stare in utter disbelief.

Kilgharrah laughs.

“You two are the one in a billion. Count yourselves lucky, because the fact that you even crossed paths is nothing short of a miracle.”

Arthur makes an angry noise beside Merlin, dropping his hand and stepping closer to the old man. “Look, you old kook, I don't know who you think you are, but mocking us is completely uncalled for. Merlin is just trying to get some answers and you making light of his confusion is cruel!”

Instead of shying away, the elder just laughs, right in Arthur's face. As brave and bold as Arthur is, he takes a step back in light of that response. “So barbaric, Pendragon.” Then he sobers and looks straight into Arthur's eyes. “I'm not mocking you, boy. You mocked me when you came in. I am ancient, but I'm not stupid. You came here for Merlin, but you think he is naive for believing in magic. Well, sonny, the naive one is  _ you.  _ And you're not as supportive as you think. Merlin is magic-sensitive, and he must have felt the pull to you right away. He's brilliant and you belittle him by not trusting his instincts. I don't know how he ended up with the likes of you, but you have a lot to learn in order to deserve him.”

“Hey!” Merlin shouts, joining the other two men. Both blink at him as if they forgot he was there. “Arthur is  _ trying,  _ okay. It's not his fault he doesn't believe in magic, he was raised to hate it. And he believes in  _ me,  _ even if he doesn't believe in soulmates. The only thing that keeps him from trusting the tests now is that it said we  _ weren't  _ soulmates, and he refused to believe that because he  _ knows _ we are meant to be together.”

“Merlin…” Arthur growls lowly.

“He is smart, kind, and handsome as all hell. He can be a prat, sure, but he always goes out of his way to help others, no matter who they are. He's emotionally stunted and doesn't know how to fold laundry, but I love everything about him, and I'm not going to let you talk to him like that.”

Arthur's cheeks are bright red where Merlin can see them underneath his hands that cover his face. Merlin takes a deep breath and crosses his arms, looking back at Kilgharrah as challengingly as he can muster.

“You two already know what's in your hearts so why are you even asking me?” he says in a low and slightly sinister tone. “Go enjoy each other and stop searching for answers to questions that can only be found in your heart.”

And with that, he turns and walks to the back room, ignoring Merlin's calls after him.

When it's clear he won't be returning, Merlin relents to Arthur, and they leave the shop as confused as ever.

But as Arthur starts the car, while Merlin buckles himself in and a smile plays across his face. “Arthur,” he says, glancing at his boyfriend. “We're soulmates,” he concludes with a grin.

Before changing gears, Arthur grabs his hand and nods, planting a soft kiss to Merlin's cheek. “I know, babe. I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had an idea for a soulmate AU and then this happened. It's not as creative as I'd like for it to be. But. Well. I hope you still enjoyed it.


End file.
